What is love? Often clients come to therapy for help with love. If they are in a long-term relationship, they want help with the “spark” and if they are not in a relationship, they want help finding the “spark.” Eventually we note how the “spark” simmers away but can be replaced with joyful authentic love.
Romantic love that comes with sparkling fireworks often crumbles as couples face inevitable conflicts. If partners try to avoid the conflict, then the anger could create a huge divide in the relationship. If partners work through the conflict, then they could strengthen the bridge toward joyful authentic love.
Conflict can lead to healing transformation. One of the benefits of therapy is that we can understand the roots of the conflict and then plant seeds of empathy and collaboration to promote healing.
Roots of Conflict
Each client I work with has a unique root structure. It can be helpful to uncover the roots by noting that some of the criticisms of the partner could be disowned parts of ourselves OR frustrations built up from our own unmet needs.
Seeds of Empathy
It can be helpful to acknowledge that each person has wounds, desires, and resilience. Each person wants to be seen and acknowledged. Take the time to be vulnerable with each other, see each other, and understand each other.
Seeds of Collaboration
Rather than looking for the RIGHT partner, it’s more realistic to acknowledge the hard work and dedication involved in creating the RIGHT environment for a healing relationship.